Welcome to my Brain

After a fun day at work, I’m feeling productive.

I start writing a to-do list.

– Clean bathroom
– Finish work expenses

An unfinished blog post from two months ago suddenly pops into my head, so I put my pen down and begin to read through it. After correcting some mistakes and writing a single sentence, I remember I still have Christmas presents to buy.

As I search through Amazon, popping a few items into my basket, I remember I have a YouTube video to edit, so I open iMovie and insert some clips into a project.

Whilst editing, my mind is constantly whirring. I’m thinking about how my grandpa is doing, what my New Year plans will be, if I have time to buy other presents around my work shifts…shit. I haven’t done my taxes yet.

I hunt for my P60 but can’t find it anywhere. I add “phone work about P60” to my to-do list.

Whilst finishing off my list, I remember that my Spotify Discover Weekly playlist has updated.

As I click ‘play’ on the playlist, a friend texts me about some guy trouble she’s going through. I pause the playlist, we have a moan about men for a while until the conversation turns to our Christmas night out plans. Christmas…shit. I still haven’t finished ordering the presents.

I log back onto Amazon, add a few more items to my basket, become distracted by Twitter and start editing again. That’s what I was doing in the first place, wasn’t it?

I still have a bunch of emails to send.

– Clean bathroom
– Finish work expenses
– Phone work about P60
– Emails

Whilst editing, I think about which order I’d like to upload my videos in this month. I better write a list.

As I’m writing the video schedule list, I realise that the presents still haven’t been ordered. I click back onto Amazon, look over the items in my basket and check out. Sorted. I’ve definitely forgotten a few things but I’m sure I’ll remember them later.

I get back to writing the blog post. That’s what I was doing in the first place, wasn’t it?

As I’m writing, I start worrying about an upcoming Support and Supervision meeting with my boss. I better prepare for that later.

Do I have enough food in for the next few dinners? I’ll add it to the list and check later.

– Clean bathroom
– Finish work expenses
– Phone work about P60
– Emails
– Prepare for work Supervision
– Sort out meals. Write food list.

My interest in the two month old blog post dwindles and I switch back to editing my vlog. Again, my mind wanders and I think about the holiday photos on my camera that I haven’t yet looked at. My Instagram needs work anyway and I could be doing with some new photos.

I import the photos, delete the ones I don’t want and I’m about to send them to my phone when I remember I have to pack for going to Wales tomorrow.

A strong, panicky feeling washes over my body. I become so overwhelmed with all the things I have to do and the motivation I was filled with has completely disappeared. A strong realisation that although hours have passed and I’ve been busy, not one single task has been completed.

My phone vibrates and my friend updates me with her guy trouble. We have a discussion about work, get ourselves excited about going out over Christmas again and I forget about my panic.

I run a bath.

Reading in the bath is one of my favourite ways to relax but this evening, my concentration wavers. I don’t have time to read anyway; what am I doing?!

I get out the bath, dry myself, put on some PJs and continue editing. There’s some blogger drama going down on Twitter that my eyes keep jumping back to, so it’s distracting me a lot, but I think I’ve finally finished editing my vlog.

I watch over the vlog a few times, make some minor tweaks and eventually export and upload to YouTube.


I pick up my to-do list to tick it off but realise I hadn’t even included it anyway. Oh well.

I scan the list again. Oh dear. I’ll go back to it tomorrow.

The funny thing is, during one of my panicky, ‘what the hell is going on?’ moments, I wrote this blog post in one go. No breaks or distractions – just typed and didn’t stop. I guess that’s one positive thing about having a brain with (approx.) 8 million thoughts whizzing through it at all times and recurring overwhelming feelings. Sometimes, it can give you a massive push to write, film, create, whatever.

Someone linked me to an article stating that working on one task at a time (which, clearly I find great difficulty in) is the way to go. I’m the queen of trying to do 590 things at once and getting nowhere, so I’m quite excited to start working on this.

Y’never know, in a month or two, you might see me pumping out two videos, two blog posts a week with a killer Instagram and 100% social media engagement (lol, I say as I type this with my head up my arse).

If anyone has similar struggles or has any tips on how to focus, feel free to get in touch.

Also, I just realised it was my grandparents that I forgot to buy a Christmas present for.

*Logs back onto Amazon*

Erin x

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